It’s not business, it’s personal: How to manage friendships at the workplace

The Milton Report

It’s not business, it’s personal: How to manage friendships at the workplace

November 29, 2009

Volume 13: issue 9

My first work experience in corporate America set the tone for how I would view work place friendships throughout my career. Then, if you had asked me the importance of working with people I liked and I would consider friends, I would have rated it very high on my list of work preferences. Years later after experiencing layoffs, company bankruptcies, cut-throat performance evaluations, nepotism, and the full gamut of things that are part of the course of navigating the maze of corporate America, I would suggest working with people I like is not as high on the list. The climate of business has changed over the course of the last 30 years. Companies are loyal to people to the extent that their contributions affect the bottom line in a positive manner.

It’s about business.

Friendship on the other hand requires that you are loyal to a person rather than a position, cause, stockholders, or balance sheets. The loyalty of friendship is more valuable than the loyalty to the dollar. Donald Trump would disagree with me, but that is why I am not called, “The Milton”. Friendships are personal. Business relationships are strictly about the goals and objectives of business. There are problems inherent when attempting to merge the two into a cohesive unit. The reality is that whether in a publicly owned mega corporation or a family business, the crossroads of friendship and business will meet. You will need finesse to manage those relationships.

In the final analysis someone will likely say to you, “it’s not personal, it’s just business.”

I am suggesting, however, that it is personal sometimes and to the extent that it is personal, business is affected.

Early in my career I had the pleasure of working with a great group of people comprised of different age groups, ethnicities, and backgrounds. The beauty of that experience at General Motors was that I learned what teamwork and camaraderie could mean to the effective performance of a team. I also learned how friendships can be undermining to performance sometimes and that it is very important to maintain a posture of professionalism, even in the midst of difficult circumstances. If I had to advise someone today on the necessity and value of friendships in the workplace, the first thing I would suggest is to not have any illusions about what the work place offers. The essential premise of work is to offer energy and expertise for money. The emotional component is not necessarily part of the equation. Energy plus expertise does not always translate into an emotionally satisfying experience. The payoff is money not necessarily “warm fuzzies”. How many people are working in jobs (or for people) they don’t like solely for the money? It’s not therapy. It’s a job.

Don’t go to work looking for friends, but if friends develop along the way, embrace them and work on keeping separate the relationships of business and friendship.

When managers have to choose between friendship and business, business will win. But don’t be fooled. Friendships have an impact.

If you have ever known someone who gained favor in a position because they were friends with the boss, or their boss was friends with the decision maker, you know what I mean. Sometimes the difference between drawing an unemployment check and verifying the figures on the weekly reports is whether or not you are friends with the people in control. I remember early in my career I would often hear folks discussing how they would “like to come to work and just do their jobs.” Today’s competitive market means you have to cultivate relationships. “Just doing your job” is not good enough.

I have had several experiences over the years where the existence of friendship has affected the outcome of a business relationship. Sometimes the results were positive and the friendship survived the fallout. Other times the results were less positive. Neither the friendship nor the business relationship managed to survive.

The second thing I would suggest is to simply be friendly. The greatest book of advice I know, The Bible, states it this way: “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly:” (Proverbs 18:24, King James Version). It is easy to point at the individuals who cultivate relationships for their benefit in the workplace. When individuals are known to cultivate work place friendships, particularly with management, most of the time the connation is negative. No one likes someone who clearly brown noses or plays the role of the sycophant. However, it is often difficult to argue with the results. I am not suggesting you lose dignity and self respect to attain or retain a position; but, there is empirical evidence suggesting that people get hired because they can do the job AND most importantly, because they are LIKED.

You have to be a very competent individual to keep a job in spite of your personality defects. In other words, who can keep a job when no one likes him or her? Not even The President can do that.

Be friendly. Extend yourself to help someone. Be open to suggestions and willing to listen. Let someone know you are interested in their success. Learn to negotiate from a position of weakness. Meekness does not mean weakness. It means you understand how things work.

The third thing I would suggest is to always remain professional and courteous.

You will find enemies in the work place also. Some people you encounter will be difficult to get along with in any circumstance. It is imperative to maintain civility through limited contact, professionalism, courtesy, and formality. One of the most challenging things to do is to have to work closely with someone you don’t like. It will happen. Further, it is possible this person will do something that may undermine your efforts. Conflict is inevitable in this type of relationship. You have to find a way to maintain grace under pressure.

Going “postal” or “ghetto” on someone will not gain you any respect or self satisfaction.

Conflicts will occur at work. People will say or do things to offend you. Your manager may appear incompetent at times or shift blame to you for a job not well done. Frankly, if you work long enough, you may have to play the role of scapegoat or suffer some form of an injustice. It is not the end of your career. Going postal could put an end to your career. I have calmly told a past manager that “she was the worst manager I have ever had.” I have led projects that were not as successful as planned. I have not always met my manager’s expectations – realistic or not. I have always remained professional and courteous even in the midst of difficult circumstances. I would like to think that I have worked with grace and diplomacy in stressful environments.

Your character is not defined by what you do at work. Your character helps define what you do at work. Stay professional and stay courteous.

Managing your friendships at work come down to these three things: Earn the respect of your enemies, embrace the relationships with your friends, and eliminate relationships that are toxic.

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“It is calming to know that when the final trumpet sounds,

My life will not have ended in vain.

I will run out of time before I run out of words. God has given me the gift of my thoughts.

He has given me the gift of the pen.

I need to use them both to show His will does win….” 1

(1) Excerpt from the poem “ The Things That Matter” –

Included in Voices Inside My Head – Poetry Inspired By God To Heal Pain

Copyright © 2009 Milton A. Brown

Pressure - Know what you are doing to avoid it

The Milton Report

Pressure - Know what you are doing to avoid it - Hone your skills today

November 24, 2009

Volume 13: issue 8

Do you remember the first day of starting a new job?

Even for seasoned professionals the first day on a new job can bring nervous jitters and a feeling of queasiness that usually precedes the start of anything new. Whether it is the professional athlete before the beginning of the next game, the motivational speaker at the seminar promising riches to anyone who reads the books, listens to the tapes and follows the program, or Al Pacino ranting and raving as only he can, pre-performance anxiety is real and it must be mastered to perform at a high level. This is true on the playing field or court, conference room, stage, cubicle, or the open environments of the office, school, or medical facility.

You must really know what you are doing to perform well under pressure.

I heard it put this way many years ago. “Pressure is what you feel when you don’t know what you are doing.”

When I think of pressure in this manner, I would want to know that the surgeon performing surgery on me is very relaxed. His or her relaxed state is based in the security that the capacity to perform their craft at the highest level is grounded in a strong foundation of knowledge, training and experience. There should be no question about their ability to perform effectively.

Your manager, client, or business associate should have no question about your ability to perform your designated responsibilities. This means that in times of pressure when you are being depended on to get things done right, you are expected to perform at a high level. When this occurs, and doubt of your abilities creeps into the picture, recovering from this begins with your capacity to improve your skills and demonstrate a knowledge or skill far superior than what is required.

Preparation that leads to productivity will give you peace and counteract pressure.

When I consider those times when I have felt the most pressure, it was partially based in my lack of preparation or my perceived lack of preparation for the task at hand. When your boss perceives that you are not prepared, your direct route to the unemployment line is enhanced. When the self-perception is lack of preparation, you lose confidence. You will need confidence to perform effectively; therefore, make sure you are prepared. Some of us feel like we can never be prepared enough. I think I fit into that category. This reminds me of something else that can provoke pressure; Perfectionism.

Pressure is the feeling you may get when you believe you have to be perfect.

If you have ever had the pleasure of working for someone who always had to provide some unsolicited criticism for your work, even when it did not appear to merit it, you understand the pressure perfectionism can elicit. Many years ago when I worked as a consultant computer programmer in the early stages of my career, I had a manager who criticized my work because the code was not lined up and spaced properly as he wanted to see it. The code was aligned, but it was not aligned exactly the way the manager wanted it. (Take your thumb and index finger and hold them together with a space of about one millimeter between them.) I think that is how much my code alignment was off. By the way, the code worked! Unfortunately, the manager did not like the way it looked. It was not perfect. I could have let that bother me, but instead I decided from that point forward I would always line up my code in the “perfect” alignment my manager requested. I thought it was extreme, but it eased the pressure in my future work for this manager. This was a clear case where my future preparation made me more productive (in the manager’s eyes), it gave me peace, and I did not feel any additional pressure.

Today’s environment for business and employment opportunities is very competitive. This will likely not change in the future, unless the government provides all of the jobs. That’s another story. The landscape of the global economy will demand things remain competitive. Jobs and business are no longer exclusively American. Americans have to be educated, trained, and experienced to compete with individuals overseas. The idea of that spawns many discussions about education and training in our country. There are too many issues to address in this discourse. But the fact is, employers are seeking individuals that will give their companies an edge and people seeking jobs are expanding their capabilities to be more competitive in the marketplace. This combination of higher standards for both employers and seekers means that preparation is paramount for ensuring peak performance. Preparation means increasing your knowledge, developing new skills, making new contacts, and developing a personal brand that will uniquely distinguish you and make you stand out. Three things will help you accomplish this.

1) Whether you are someone who is entering college, the job market, a business venture, or an experienced professional, the first thing you need to understand is how you current skills and talents are used in the marketplace.

You need to self assess. What do I do well? What am I trained and educated to do? What do I enjoy doing? Most importantly, after answering those questions, is there a demand in the market for my capabilities?

In the early 1900’s people were able to make a living building horse-drawn carriages. When Henry Ford introduced mass production of the automobile, there was no need to be an expert in horse-drawn carriage building. Eventually that market dried up and ceased to exist.

Are you still trying to build and maintain carriages when the market is producing automobiles?

2) You need to enhance your skills by acquiring new skills or maintaining expert level knowledge in your current capacity. This means several things. If you are currently involved in a vocation you enjoy, then the challenge is to remain current and relevant in your knowledge. Education is a continuous process for those individuals who are successful. Learning should never stop and it is possible for the “old dog to learn new tricks.” It could be something as simple as expanding your vocabulary by learning one new word per day. Or, it could be as complex as learning a new language to speak or a new computer program. Whatever it is, additional knowledge is never a bad thing.

3) You need to utilize the new skills in some portion of your daily tasks to keep them current. I am reminded of the benefits of exercise. When you exercise a muscle, the muscle will either maintain or get stronger. When you don’t exercise, the muscle will weaken. The brain is a muscle that operates on that principle. As you challenge and use it, you will strengthen it. If it is not challenged, you may one day find yourself thinking that it is okay to continue taking training for horse drawn carriage building, when in fact you need to learn how to operate the new 21^st century hover crafts that ride on an air superhighway and are controlled by a central command post.

Step into the 21^st century today and hone your skills. Pressure will ease when you do that.

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“It is calming to know that when the final trumpet sounds,

My life will not have ended in vain.

I will run out of time before I run out of words. God has given me the gift of my thoughts.

He has given me the gift of the pen.

I need to use them both to show His will does win….” 1

(1) Excerpt from the poem “ The Things That Matter” –

Included in Voices Inside My Head – Poetry Inspired By God To Heal Pain

Dead Man Walking - Warning Signs of Getting Laid Off

The Milton Report

Dead Man Walking – Warning Signs of Getting Laid Off

November 19, 2009

Volume 13: issue 7

“They hail me as one living,

But don't they know

That I have died of late years,

Untombed although?...”

Thomas Hardy (1840-1928), excerpt from his poem, “The Dead Man Walking”

The term “dead man walking” is used to describe the call of the prison guards as the inmate is escorted along death row to the place of execution. It is the catcall of imminent death – a sort of twisted reminder that these last moments will precede your demise. It is the final reminder that you are alive now, but not for long.

You may remember the movie from 1995. It was the story of a man on death row, portrayed by Sean Penn, and his advocate working on his behalf to save him, played by Susan Sarandon. I don’t remember if Penn’s character actually got executed in the movie or if he was really guilty of the crime for which he was convicted. I’ll have to watch it again. But, I do remember the phrase and movie title stuck with me and it seemed a fitting way to describe what happens when you get the eerie sensation that your days on the job may be numbered.

When I worked at Enron in 2001, which at the time was the seventh largest company in America, I had the sensation of being a “dead man walking”. It hit me every time I saw the stock price plummet. There is a strong correlation between financial ruin and job loss, similar to the relationship between loss of life and committing a heinous crime worthy of death in a death penalty state like Texas. If you commit the crime and you are convicted in a death penalty state, the consequence eventually will be execution. Similarly, if you lose your job, it could lead to financial ruin. Then, my sense of financial ruin was based on the knowledge that if the stock price continued to fall the company would cease to exist and so would my job.

In September 2001 I was a “dead man walking”. In December 2001 I got executed (in a manner of speaking). Enron went bankrupt. In 2009 it happened to me again. I thought I saw it coming, but I did not react. Fortunately, it was the job that got eliminated and not me.

People on either side of the death penalty debate may take exception to my use of the phrase “dead man walking” as a metaphor for someone who is targeted for a layoff.

They may be right.

However, I am frankly not sure of a better way to describe it. The environment, whether it is the cubicle or the boardroom, takes on a different air when workforce reductions are imminent. I have been amazed throughout the years, when I have observed the experiences of others or considered mine, when the environment is abound with signs, but either due to a lack of recognition, denial, or a covert plot by management to ensure there are no signs of the conspiracy to reduce the workforce, a failure to see the separation from the job exists.

The person on death row knows their fate unless there is a last moment miracle and a stay of execution is granted. Conversely, the person who gets laid off possibly may not have seen it coming. Management sees it, but they don’t walk around the office shouting, “Dead Man Walking.” Some might suggest management behaves like prison guards sometimes, but I suppose it depends on your company. I don’t want to paint all managers with the same brush.

Unfortunately, and I have personally experienced this, the person who gets laid off or fired is often expected to have seen it coming. This is particularly true if the separation is tied to performance and not simply an exercise in budget redistribution. Please note my use of the term budget redistribution. Budget cuts are somewhat of a misnomer, as they relate to reductions in work force. Managements always makes decisions on whom to sever or more appropriately, whom to keep. Your salary is simply redistributed to someone else. If you don’t believe that, check for job postings for the job you just lost.

I mentioned the other day of hearing about the layoff of a former colleague. When I heard the news, I wondered if he saw it coming. I wondered how many days might he have been a “dead man walking”. After thinking about it I decided I would compile a list of things to look for if you find yourself in the unenviable position of imminent job loss due to management budget redistribution.

1. You are assigned projects and tasks that are high profile, high risk and low reward opportunities.

This is not a good sign for long term career growth. Projects that have high visibility (meaning that management is keenly aware of their success or failure) can only go one way. If you do a great job, you did your job. If you don’t do a great job, you are in peril.

Part of your job is to make your manager look good. If you have been assigned a project or task that runs the risk of manager or supervisor not looking good, please reference the term “scapegoat”. A scapegoat is not a long term position. This is a sign.

2. Your sponsor is transferred and/or promoted to another department.

This is a little trickier. Your sponsor is the person who hired you or someone who mentors you within the company. When that individual no longer has direct influence on your performance evaluations or they choose not to take you with them, this is a sign of imminent doom. Individuals are expected to manage their own careers. No responsible person would argue that point. However, if the person who hired you does not make provision to extend a life line as he or she navigates the company, you are left to fend for yourself. Other management personnel will see this. Consider it a sign. The question must be asked. If your manager moves to another area and they don’t take you along, “why did they leave you behind?”

3. You are assigned to a special project.

This should be self explanatory. Special projects are sometimes euphemisms for “We are going to lay you off eventually, but we have to justify it first.” Justification may be in the form of ensuring adequate return on the investment for your energy and expertise. Or, it could mean that management needs to build a sufficient case to document performance deficiencies, or it could simply be that the special project is like that explained in #1 – high profile, low reward; in other words, a setup. Consider this a sign.

Special projects are probably like the “dead man walking” last meal.

4. Your performance review is not positive.

I have managed employees in the past and I have worked in human resources. I know from experience that employees who are targeted for separation are sometimes “managed out”. One of the steps in the “managing out” process is documentation illustrating substandard performance. Whether it is accurate or not, when you receive a performance review that is less than stellar, it is a sign. Your days are numbered.’’

5. Management avoids you or communication is minimal.

This is another one of those tricky things. Avoidance of conflict is sometimes a sign that bad news in on the horizon. In personal relationship couples experience this when they are not talking to each other. Business relationships thrive when there is clear, honest and timely communication. When communication becomes infrequent or it is always wrought with criticism, or worse, does not exist, this is a sign. You can not have any insight into what one is thinking without communication. Just because your manager does not tell you that you are doing a bad job, does not mean he or she thinks you are doing a bad job. It is probably being documented, or the case will be made in your next performance evaluation. Lack of communication from management is a sign. You should heed the warning.

Finally, trust your instincts. My Enron experience taught me that if you feel something is wrong, but you can not quite connect all of the dots, something probably is wrong. Sometimes you don’t need all of the facts or information to make a decision. You only need to have the signs. Granted, you don’t want to be premature. But, you don’t want to be a “dead man walking” where everyone else knows about your imminent doom except you.

You can avoid the long walk along the “Green Mile” to unemployment. You just need to heed the signs and act accordingly.

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“It is calming to know that when the final trumpet sounds,

My life will not have ended in vain.

I will run out of time before I run out of words. God has given me the gift of my thoughts.

He has given me the gift of the pen.

I need to use them both to show His will does win….” 1

(1) Excerpt from the poem “ The Things That Matter” –

Included in Voices Inside My Head – Poetry Inspired By God To Heal Pain

Copyright © 2009 Milton A. Brown