Let's Get A Job !

Back in the 70’s I grew up watching a game show titled, “Let’s Make a Deal”. The basic premise of the game was to choose the “right” door to win fantastic prizes. Choose the wrong door and you go home with nothing or something you couldn’t give away. Today’s show “Deal or No Deal” is similar but instead of three doors you have many boxes. Fundamentally they are both the same.

Living inside the maze is akin to playing a game. It’s not quite like “Let’s Make a Deal”, but there are elements of the maze that make it very much like a game. The task is simple – choose the right path and get out, choose the wrong path and wander aimlessly around for infinity with no way to get out.

The game is supposed to have an outcome, which you can influence. That is, there should be a winner, a loser, a method for keeping score and you should be able to influence the ultimate destiny through choices. The game should have rules and there should be some mechanism for enforcing the rules and governing what happens inside the maze. Does the maze have a keeper? Who oversees the activity of the maze? As I ponder these things, I am reminded of what I felt many years ago while in the attempt to pursue my life’s work. It was necessary for me to find a job. Jobs are a type of maze and one of the chief players in the game of “Job” is the recruiter. Have you ever dealt with a recruiter who seemed to possess equal parts crypt keeper, magician, and comedian? I think I did once and it made the experience of the maze seem every bit like a game. Let me take you back to a time in my life when I left one maze only to embark upon seeking another one.

I was looking for life after Enron. I believed life after Enron existed and I thought I would find it, but I was caught in the abyss of unemployment – the black hole of a dwindling bank account, limited resources, and no sight of a maze on the horizon. I was simply “in between jobs”.

But I held on to the notion that there is life after Enron and I would find it.

Ken Lay has passed – may he rest in peace. Jeff Skilling is living in another type of gated community complete with barbed wire, a personal 24 hour security staff, and neighbors who probably have aliases like “Big Papa,” “Baby Boy,” or “Slick”. As for me, I have landed in several other mazes since then, but none of them have taken me out to the yellow brick road of total fulfillment where my talents and abilities intersect with opportunity. The ultimate yellow brick road will lead to fulfillment in the work I do, at a livable, reasonable salary, and a sense I am contributing something positive to the world.

When you are in caught in the maze and your mindset has been conditioned to believe there is nothing outside of the maze, you believe a job is the sole source of producing an income and the essential ingredient for fulfillment. The maze defines your existence.

Living outside the maze is to avert the trap of the notion that a job is the ultimate maze.

There was a time in my life that I believed a job was the ultimate. Sometimes, even when I don’t think I believe it still, I still fight the comfort zone of being in the maze. It was that comfort zone that kept me looking for a job at a time when I might have considered pursuing other interests.

Do you continue to look for jobs when a career or life calling is knocking at your door? Have you decided not to open door number three when it beckons you like a voice from your past constantly in your ear?

I think I have done that.

In fact, the job market is downright scary, and that’s typical even if you don’t have to look for one. After spending over twenty five years in corporate America in various positions and companies, I am convinced there are organizations in this country that do not “get it” regarding hiring, retention, and nurturing of employees. Business is brutal sometimes and the commodity, employees, is expendable in most cases. Nevertheless, the goal of producing an income stream is essential and a job is one way to do it. Thus, I continued to look for a job, as many others often do. I was looking for a job when I should have been looking for an opportunity.

The maze does not have to define a job. The maze is what you make it when you realize you are not bound by it.

Let me take you to the game…

Several years ago I responded to a letter I received from one of the local organizations involved in assisting people with gaining employment. I responded gleefully to the opportunity and I set up an appointment to discuss my situation with a counselor. I was requested to come to the career center for a two-day workshop on job search and resume preparation. Trust me, I needed the help. But, I was not quite prepared for what I experienced over the course of the next two days.

I’m wondered at times if I was sane. I felt fine. I did not have any outward signs of diminished capacity—no runny nose, slob in the corner of my mouth or the glazed looked of a person on high doses of chemical substances. And, I did not fiddle my fingers over my lips while making that silly blip, blip, blip noise. There were days when I felt like that, though. However, on that particular day as I sat across the desk from my career counselor, who did not appear incapacitated but was in a small “Dilbert-like” cubicle with a door and a roof, I began to ponder my fate, again, in the pursuit of corporate America.

Does the person who is unemployed, err “between projects,” suddenly become less intelligent, less skilled, less aggressive, and less worthy than a person with a job?

I know for a fact it is easier to get a date, when you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. And, unfortunately, I know it is easier for some married folks to pursue other (ahem, Please excuse me.) “opportunities” while being married. Furthermore, if you can prove you don’t need credit, then, it is easier to obtain credit. If you have money, you attract money. And, I have often heard it is easier to get a job while you have a job. You know what I am talking about.

I think there is some truth to all of those, especially the job part.

I don’t want to be misunderstood or appear ungrateful. There were some key elements to the workshop that I found helpful. However, I will discuss some elements of the workshop to illustrate why I suspected a personal bout of temporary insanity.

Upon arrival at the career center, I greeted the receptionist and I took a seat in a room that had a typical waiting room look to it. The chairs were cramped and close together, there was one vending machine, which appeared to have six-month old snacks in it, and all of the people in the room looked like they were sorely in need of an income source. I’m not “hating,” Ebonically (Is that a word?) speaking, as I was in the room too! I felt like I was in an office applying for public assistance. But then again, looking for a job is probably not much different. I must admit, I started to understand a little bit about the “counseling” I was soon to get.

After waiting approximately thirty minutes, all of the job seekers were ushered into a conference room and we received a thirty-minute orientation on the program and what to expect. I was the only former Enron person in the group, which meant I gained immediate sympathy from one person in the group—the person sitting next to me. As tragic as the Enron situation had been, there is still a segment of the population that felt Enron people were arrogant, overpaid, and got what they deserved. I was told that on several occasions, which was unfortunate. And, I think I was in the room with some of them. But, that is another story.

We were required to fill out the requisite forms—I9, job application, and information retrieval disclaimer for background checking--reference, education, credit history, etc. Upon completion of the forms, I was taken to the office of my counselor for another meeting.

It was at this point that I started to feel a little bit funny. The last time I had this feeling was at the doctor’s office, and my doctor requested the nurse to bring him some lubricant. Some things are necessary.

Let the games begin! I was starting to feel like a contestant in “Lets Get A Job.” The goal, or objective of the game, is for me to feel a sense of worth, gain insight, get more aggressive, and acquire specific skills for getting and retaining a job, which by the way, may not necessarily make sense, but they achieve the objective. Have you ever done anything that on the surface did not appear to make sense or be comfortable (remember the doctor’s office), but it produced positive results?

Are any of you married? Okay, I’ll stop, but I want to be clear.

Win the game, get a job. However, you lose the game, you will be back at the career center, a lot. I think I know the real incentive for the game.

Monty Hall, err I mean, Mr. Smith (not his real name) seemed pleasant. He gave me his background, which included an undergraduate economics degree from Connecticut, career at Shell Oil, and a stint in entrepreneurship with executive recruiting. After tiring of the business world, Mr. Smith decided to pursue an opportunity in the non-profit world and he accepted a position with a United Way agency. In my mind, his credentials fit the job function he held and I started to develop some confidence that he could help me. We discussed my aspirations, where I had been and what types of roadblocks I had been facing.

Then, he hit me with the first punch smack dab in the mouth.

“Mr. Brown, I think I know what your problem is.” And, I responded, “Really, what is it?”

Mr. Smith, said, “It’s your resume.”

Boom! I heard the Star Spangled Banner playing, fireworks exploded, and I almost thought I had seen a sign of the Apocalypse, but his office was too small. So, I just sat there in utter awe and with a little bit of disdain. I felt my eyebrow raising and the first signs of the poker face were becoming manifest. I can get a blank look too and it doesn’t require high doses of drugs!

My resume I thought. I had reduced it to three pages. I am on the ten thousandth revision of my resume and I have multiple versions, including a two-page version! What is wrong with my resume this time? Anyone who has seen my resume would know immediately of what Mr. Smith spoke. But, according to Mr. Smith, the latest resume was too long, and no one wants to read a long resume. (He alluded to the premise that the resume was "Enronized," which meant it worked well within Enron, as the glowing language indicated, but the outside world was not interested in ALL the accomplishments or stuff, if you will.) I agreed with him eventually. The reality is resumes are scanned manually or electronically for a short time. Machines have limited reading capacity. Some people have limited reading capacity or reading time. Some people in hiring positions can’t really read. When are the resumes actually read anyway?

So, the first order of business was to redo my resume.

Behind door number one, there will be a one-page resume, which will not tell a potential employer anything about you really, but because it is easier to read, you may have a better chance at an interview.

What? Did I understand that correctly? Less is actually better. I am thinking about posting a resume on a web site with my objective, job titles, and years of employment-- no descriptions, no skills, no education, no certifications, no nothing except titles and years. Do you suppose anyone will read it?

Sorry, I am a little perturbed by the premise. We live in a society that craves information, yet no one wants to read or listen for too long. You can’t see everything? Burn all of the televisions! How the &^%$#@^* does anyone learn anything in America? Are you still with me? I don’t mean to offend and I hope you are still reading this!

After I recovered from the staggering blow to my ego and writing skills, Mr. Smith proceeded with the workshop material. We developed my marketing skills statement, which is the equivalent of a sound bite—a brief three or four sentence account about what I can do. We covered how to complete a job application, write an effective cover letter, and how to use the telephone directory to search for opportunities. We discussed using the Internet and interview skills. We did most of this in about two hours. I listened intently and Mr. Smith spoke with purpose. I tried not to interrupt him with irrelevant questions. Most of the information was review for me. But, some tidbits caught my attention.


Wham! Mr. Smith hit me again! This time, all of my sensibilities were shaken like a punch-drunk boxer fighting for meal money. I will not claim it was an uppercut, but the impact was similar.

Did you know when completing a job application, you should stay between the lines with the writing?

Yes. I understand your reaction. It’s not coloring books--it’s a job application! The last time I checked the boxes are so small if you stay within the lines you need to supply the reader with a magnifying glass to read the writing. If you have penmanship that uses a block letter style of writing, which is how I write, it is almost impossible to stay within the lines all of the time. You have to write really small to do it. I hope the reader’s bifocals have high- powered lenses. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. But, I realize now why I may have missed out on a number of job opportunities. I probably missed a box or two where I did not stay within the lines. Who knew? You may want to check with your current manager to determine if they received an “A” in kindergarten for “Coloring.” If they did, please don’t refer me for a job.

Behind door number two, there will be a coloring book, which will be a practice tool, because let’s face it, if you can not stay between the lines with your writing on a job application, you can not possibly be worthy of a position.

As I awoke from my kindergarten daydream and the uppercut, I think, that preceded it, I realized I was a full-grown adult and I was sitting in a room for three small people, two people were in the room, and I was the smallest. I’m thinking; let’s finish the work before the room gets any smaller. We proceeded to cover resume writing tips, job retention skills, and workplace etiquette. I completed an exercise reducing my resume to one page. The worksheet I used was given to one of Mr. Smith’s colleagues to type a draft version. I retained a copy of the worksheet for my personal use. I have a one-page resume today. Thank God! Mr. Smith had punched me twice, so to speak, but he helped me get up too.

After five hours spread over a two-day period, we completed a workshop that normally takes three days. I have attended some three-day workshops in the past. However, given the size of the facility, I don’t think three days would have been ideal. I was glad for the brevity.

During the resume writing tips session, I learned a tip, which similar to the “between the lines” tip caught me by surprise. Mr. Smith had struck again. He was going for the knock out blow.

Did you know people lie on their resumes? And, CEOs approve cooking the financial books and Martha Stewart allegedly made money from insider trading, and Enron is hiring people, and the cow jumped over the moon. Yes, yes, yes, yes, and no. I don’t really think a cow jumped over the moon. But, all of the other stuff seems pretty fairy tale like. Doesn’t it? No. Not really. Fact is making good non fiction and I am thinking about writing a book where we send some of these CEOs to the moon and replace them with cows.

There is a remedy for resume embellishing. Mr. Smith encourages signing your name at the bottom of the resume. A signature at the bottom of the resume is akin to endorsing a check. Your endorsement on a check is your word to pay money and your signature on a resume should attest to the truthfulness and accuracy of the information.

I’m sorry, but I am absolutely, positively, confused and perturbed. I am at a high level of pisstivity. (New word--pisstivity – to be highly perturbed.) Mr. Smith started me out by telling me that people don’t read resumes, but then, he wants me to sign something they really will not read. Am I the only one who doesn’t get this? I’m calling my mother!

Once again, I have to do something in response to an absurdity in America.

I once mused about corporate responsibility? I compared CEOs cooking books to people lying on resumes. If the leaders are lying, how can we expect the followers to do anything differently?

“If a chief executive officer tacitly approves the restatement of earnings or “cooking of the books,” or misappropriation of funds and other types of deception, how do I teach college students that cheating on tests is not right? Or, embellishing resumes is wrong? Or, selling faulty products is unethical? The business leaders are providing the worst types of examples and they really expect the situation to rectify itself in time? (Brown, 2002)”

Yes, people lie on resumes. People cheat on their taxes. For some, the question of survival in this world is more important than eternal life. The moral question does not enter the equation, or if it does, it truly is a dilemma.

However, all that withstanding, I thought the resumes were not really being read anyway???????

But, now I should sign my resume.

Behind door number three, there will be a Moral Compass (Brown, 2002), which will help you decide what to do in the case of the resume dilemma. I can not tell you what do to personally, but maybe a moral compass will help you. If the moral compass is good enough for CEOs, it should be good enough for the mere minions of the world. Right?

It was now time for me to choose a door and ride off into the sunset of the job seekers. The workshop was over and Mr. Smith thanked me for my time. I thanked him also and I felt I learned something from him. Hopefully, he learned something from me too.

He left me with a couple of words I think were not meant to offend, but for a moment, I felt a twinge of insult.

As I examined the source of my angst, I started to realize it was due to a couple of simple words that should have been meaningless in the whole scheme of things, but for some reason, the two words really stood out in my mind. I began to wonder if the person really wanted to work in my best interest, or if he was just doing his job. I have not completely decided which it is. But, I do know what I heard.

“Good luck.”

The tone did not have the sound of someone who had my best interests in mind. The sound had a certain “doom and gloom” quality about it. You may know the sound.

Try calling your local airlines, speak with an agent and request a round trip ticket to Constableville, New York. Pay close attention to how he or she closes the conversation.

Have you tried flying commercial to Constableville, New York?

You don’t. It’s a trip to Robert Frost’s grandmother’s house. Over the river and through the woods…-- you don’t get there easy. Take a plane, rent a car, drive 9 gazillion miles, and wait for an Amish horse and buggy rider, then, walk two miles down a dirt road. Then, you arrive.

I really felt bad for a moment. Then, it hit me.

Getting a job and keeping a job is just a game. It’s just another maze. “Lets Get A Job” is no different than “Lets Keep A Job.” I have been on both sides before. Maybe Mr. Smith did not really mean anything.

So, I guess a person who is “between projects” is still intelligent, skilled, aggressive, and worthy of a job. They just need to realize that it is a game. Most importantly, they need to realize that maybe they don’t have to play. I was looking for life after Enron, when I should have been looking for life outside the maze.

Shouldn’t I have been telling Mr. Smith, “Good luck”? After all, he was the one with the office where you could sit in the middle of the room, spin around, and touch every wall in the room.

And, I was going home to start the game again. Because, I chose door number four—the exit.

Find your “exit” today. Life outside the maze means having an exit strategy. What is your exit strategy?

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Sources:

Brown, Milton. The Milton Report. Does Crime Pay? -Vol. 2. Iss. 3. July 3, 2002.
Brown, Milton. The Milton Report. The New Era of Corporate Responsibility?-Vol. 2. Iss. 6. July 9, 2002.
Brown, Milton. The Milton Report. Let’s Get A Job – Vol. 3. Issu. 2, August 7, 2002.