How to escape "the realm of the pathetic"?

The Milton Report

Milton A. Brown

How to escape the “realm of the pathetic”?

November 15, 2009

Volume 13: issue 5

The words struck my funny bone when I first heard them. At first the words were comical; it was as if I was listening to a comedian joking about someone else. My initial reaction was to laugh immediately. But then in another sense, it was like a cold slap in the face. I was jolted into my reality. It was funny, but funnier when you are not part of the story. Nevertheless, I promised myself that I would use the words in a future piece of writing. I did not consider stealing the line as an act of plagiarism. We are in the realm of wealth redistribution (Thank you President Obama! I am still waiting for mine). I figured I would draw upon the creative genius of my career counselor. She assured me it was okay. I wish I had thought of the line myself, but as with a lot of genius, it is simply joining together two concepts previously not related. I don’t claim genius status, but I do know a good line when I hear…err steal one. This time was no exception. I would take the words of my career counselor and try to make something positive for my benefit out of them.

“He took himself out of the realm of the pathetic.”

Let me backtrack for a moment. During a recent session with my career counselor, which is worthy of another story at another time, she related a story to me about one of her clients who had a very creative way of getting his friends to help him find a job. Part of his creative genius involved offering a referral bonus to the person who gave him the lead that resulted in him landing a position. By offering an incentive, she said, “he took himself out of the realm of the pathetic.” I thought, “How funny is that?” Are people in need of jobs today really looked upon by their friends as being part of “the realm of the pathetic”? I thought there was a difference between being “in need” and being “needy”. This is where searching for a job can be very tricky. Employers expect you to be enthusiastic about the prospects of future employment. In other words, employers KNOW you need the job or else you would not be seeking employment. Yet, during the interview process and activities that may lead to an interview, you are supposed to conduct yourself as if you don’t really need the job. In other words, don’t appear needy. The look of need and desperation is frowned upon. It’s true in job hunting and it’s true in personal relationships. Ask any single man who has ever asked a woman out on a date and he will tell you that the pathetic look of desperation is not generally what made her say, “Yes.” Think about this.

How often have you approached an intersection, saw a person holding a sign asking for something, namely money, and immediately thought to yourself, “How pathetic is that?”

This is not intended to be a commentary on people asking for money. Panhandling is a legitimate form of income diversification for some folks. I am guessing most working people don’t see it that way. But, when a person is unemployed and honestly seeking work is it possible that he or she may be looked upon by some people in the same light as the panhandler? I don’t really know. I have never stood at an intersection with a sign asking for anything. I do know what it is like to be looking for work. I am beginning to wonder if there is really a difference. When millions of other people are unemployed at the same time, it is difficult to imagine being stigmatized as “pathetic”. How do you avoid looking as if you have a large, block-letter size “P” stuck on your forehead or chest indicating you are a “pathetic” soul looking for a job?

Let’s explore some things that may be beneficial.

1. Do not isolate yourself from friends, family, or other associations that may help you in your job search.

One of the key buzzwords bantered around today is “networking”. I am finding that networking is simply a means of communicating to people in various methods and platforms to provide or obtain information. You can do this in social circles through networking groups, clubs, activities, church, school, etc. You can take advantage of social network technology like Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, or various Internet forums. Or, you can do it the old fashioned way and get out in the public in places like libraries, public parks, coffee shops, or bookstores, and approach people.

When you proactively network, you provide yourself an opportunity to maintain your image. You give yourself a reason to be at your best most of the time.

2. Change your mindset from one of “looking for another job” to “seeking an opportunity where I can best utilize my talents and skills.”

Looking for a job does not mean you relinquish all self-esteem and value. You have value to add otherwise you would not have been previously employed. The key to finding another situation that is right for you is in recognizing your value and developing confidence in your personal brand. I have often found myself believing that I need to replace my income rather than finding another job. Replacing my income suggests that if I could find something that I enjoy doing and also get paid for doing it, then that is truly an opportunity where I can use my talents and skills. The exchange of energy and expertise for money is on a balanced scale. This is contrary to the typical exchange where you perform any job solely for the sake of money. Replacing my income is one goal, but finding work that is fulfilling is the primary goal.

If you change the way you think about the job search, you will open up your mind to new possibilities. This will enable you to take a new look at your talents, skills, and virtues. If you are not in a job where you are utilizing the best things you have to offer, then it is probably time to start looking for a new job, unemployed or not.

3. Maintain your physical health and appearance.

If I go back to the same intersection, more often than not I see someone who is tattered and torn. There may be a good reason for that. Living on the streets is not easy. But, whatever your situation, you want to make sure you look your best. This would seem especially true if you are asking for a job or money. Proper hygiene, clean clothes, and a smile are all components of looking your best. If you are in: 1) poor health, 2) beaten down physically and emotionally, and 3) standing at an intersection with a sign, you probably need a doctor first, then a job. Hope and change promises healthcare for all of us. You get the point. A sound mind and body and a reasonable portion of health and strength is crucial. Before going out on the job search, make sure you are in the best health and your appearance is up to par. The future client, employer or business associate will find it difficult to characterize you as “pathetic” when you look your best.

When you are in the proper frame of mind, you surround yourself with positive people who are goal-oriented and invested in your future, and you maintain a healthy appearance and outlook on life, it is difficult to stay in the realm of the pathetic. Even if you only pass through, it is not intended for you to stay there. Change your reality today!

I am working on staying out of the realm of the pathetic. I hope you are too!

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“It is calming to know that when the final trumpet sounds,

My life will not have ended in vain.

I will run out of time before I run out of words. God has given me the gift of my thoughts.

He has given me the gift of the pen.

I need to use them both to show His will does win….” 1

(1) Excerpt from the poem “ The Things That Matter” –

Included in Voices Inside My Head – Poetry Inspired By God To Heal Pain

Copyright © 2009 Milton A. Brown