Helping Others Help You

The Milton Report

Helping Others Help You

December 8, 2009

Volume 14: issue 1

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” – Albert Einstein

I needed to fully understand that quote at 17. I may have if I had heard it at that time. I don’t know if my actions would have changed.

My problem started many years ago when I bought into the collective mindset that one’s security can be found in a job. I know differently now. When you are 17 and can’t really figure your way out of a paper bag but you think you know everything, the notion of security being found in a job is quite alluring. The formula is simple (so you think). Good job equals good pay. Good education equals good job. Good pay equals ability to get things. Things mean as a young man you will attract women. That thinking is loaded with problems. The biggest problem is that it has taken me over thirty years just to begin to make sense of the inherent lunacy of that thinking. However, creative marketing and a society obsessed with instant everything does nothing to deter you from that mindset. You have to face some trials and obstacles to come to the realization that anything man-made lacks security by virtue of man’s inherent imperfection. This brings me back to Einstein. His words are so simple, yet so profound. Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ, also stated something similar.

“…be not conformed to this world: but, be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind…”

Paul and Einstein bring something to light that is crucial in solving any problem.

You have to change your thinking.

You must obtain new information. Information that is beyond the boundaries of your current reality must be introduced into your thinking to help you solve problems.

How can you introduce new information into your thinking if you are in isolation and only reliant upon your own experiences, knowledge base, and thinking capacity?

The simple answer is that you CAN NOT do it.

Eleven years ago I had a very heated discussion with someone about this topic. I did not use the right amount of tact and diplomacy, which sometimes happens when you are speaking with someone close to you. But, I told this individual that in order for their circumstances to change, their thinking had to change. I may have been blunt in my assessment. I certainly believed I was right. But, unfortunately, my best intentions were not taken in the right context. The disagreement led to a rift and it was years later when the damage was repaired. However, I did not back down from the premise and I have come to realize in my own life that when my thinking is not right, my realty is not right.

Searching for a job has reminded me that my thinking has to be right. As I headed off to another meeting with my career counselor, I thought about the exchange I had years ago and my circumstances today. It suddenly hit me that the same “advice” I gave years ago was the advice I needed to give myself today.

My thinking had to change. I was continuing to approach my problem doing the same things and thinking the same way that I had several months ago. (Einstein also referred to this as “insanity”.) It is time to regroup and revise the approach. Nearly six months removed from gainful employment and seeking an opportunity that will best leverage my skills, I was coming up empty. I realized that I have to change my approach. Integral in the change to my approach was the understanding that I needed to figure out how to get others to help me by helping them.

How do you help others help you?

This was my problem in a nutshell.

When I discussed this in my meeting with the career counselor, I was prepared with two questions to help facilitate the process.

How can I help you help me? How can I help myself?

These two questions opened up a dialogue that led to some fantastic insights. When you are in a working situation, managers are always more helpful when you can come to them with ideas about how to solve the problem at hand. The ideas may be totally off base, but bringing ideas to the discussion shows him or her that you are thinking. Further, when you put yourself in the middle of the problem and accept responsibility for its solution and consequences, you gain alliance because of your proactive approach.

I don’t know anyone who enjoys helping someone who is not willing to put forth some effort.

It was decided after some discussion that I should redirect my energy. I will focus my efforts on increasing my network contact. Plus, I will commit to approaching companies in a more direct manner, which means attempting to contact senior executives directly rather than relying solely upon the online websites or networking. It was also suggested that I target my search to specific companies and if there were individuals at certain companies I was interested in meeting, then perhaps that could be accomplished through one of the business networking web sites. However, the major point was that a fresh approach was generated because of my willingness to explore other avenues and get beyond my current mode of operation. You can help others and you can help yourself if you keep the following things in mind.

1) Pray about your problem. People of faith understand this immensely. Ponder and meditate on it to ensure you have an accurate understanding of your needs, desires, and scope of the situation.

2) Prepare yourself with knowledge to help solve the problem. If the knowledge needs to come from other resources, make time to consume the information whether it is through books, people, Internet, or the public library.

3) Persist in the effort. Someone might say, “Don’t quit.” Keep pursuing the solution until you are satisfied with the outcome.

4) Pass the information to someone else. Once you have solved your problem, provide the information to someone else who can use it. Personal testimony is a strong method to sell anything including “advice”. Sometimes people will take into account personal testimony over other facts he or she might be aware. Tell your story.

Eleven years ago my advice to someone was to change their thinking. The reality is that I needed to change MY thinking. Advice is only beneficial if the other person is willing to accept it. They have to be willing to ask the questions. How can I help you help me? How can I help myself?

If you do the four things mentioned previously, you will help others help you and the journey to whatever it is you desire will be a lot more interesting and hopefully fruitful in the process.

Paul and Einstein were right and they are a whole lot smarter than I.

I think I will let them help me.

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“It is calming to know that when the final trumpet sounds,

My life will not have ended in vain.

I will run out of time before I run out of words. God has given me the gift of my thoughts.

He has given me the gift of the pen.

I need to use them both to show His will does win….” 1

(1) Excerpt from the poem “ The Things That Matter” –

Included in Voices Inside My Head – Poetry Inspired By God To Heal Pain

Copyright © 2009 Milton A. Brown